Sober Valediction
by ibuberu
Summary: In which Green misplaces a porno and Red discovers the existence of hormones. – RedGreen.


**World** – GAME pls  
**Characters/Pairings** – Red/Green  
**Note(s)** – written for the pokanon kink meme on lj  
**Prompt** – Red's hormones are slowpoke. When they finally kick in, he DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO DEAL, MAN, WHAT ARE THESE. Cue hilarity and awkward teenagerness and Red being... Red.

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**Sober Valediction **

It all started when Green brought him the magazines.

"Red, sometimes I really pity you, cooping yourself up here in the cold," he said with a shrug of the shoulders, his expression almost sympathetic with a hint of humor. Red just stared vacantly at his childhood friend, not particularly interested in the point behind his statement. He took the twig next to him and kindled the fire burning in the cave that barred the winds from entering, his Pikachu twitching in its sleep at the sound of the flames crackling.

The brown-haired male snorted, acting unaffected by the lack of response, before pulling out a stack of thick magazines from his knapsack. Green dropped the sizable stack on Red's lap, the ten or so paperback copies exerting a noticeable weight on his legs. The boy raised an eyebrow and stared up at his standing friend, a questioning look appearing on his habitually blank face. He flipped through one magazine, full of articles and coverage on past and recent momentous events (what was a pokéathlon?) and rising trainers (who was this Lyra girl?).

"You dumbass, I just happened to find these lying around, so I brought them to update you on what's happening down there for the past five years, you can't expect me to come every other day now, can you?" Green sighed irritably, folding his arms while the words came out as visible puffs of warm air. When the gym leader received no comment, he kept the indignation to himself and flung his bag over his shoulder.

"Thanks," Red managed to whisper as his eyes delved into the pages of intriguing information, drinking in knowledge, remembering the ability to read words.

"W-whatever, bye," Green replied stiffly as he tried not to stare at the inquisition overcoming the boys' face. His cheeks coloured as he departed the cave and made his way back to his gym at the bottom of the iced, reticent mountain, leaving Red to the company of the magazines.

When he returned home, the gym leader was horrified to realize that one porn magazine was missing from his collection.

Red flipped open the fifth magazine, eager almost betraying on his stoic face, hoping to see pictures of the newly discovered Pokémon native to Sinnoh. The fire was almost dying out, though Pikachu showed no signs of stirring.

He had not expected to see a scantily dressed nurse.

His cheeks heated as he jerked to the next page in a hurried movement, and suddenly the cave didn't feel as cold as it usually was. The only problem was that the next page was no better, with even more women wearing little bikinis and hugging tightly to one another with come-hither expressions etched on faces that were heavy with make-up. Red dropped the magazine on the floor of the homely cavern, wondering why he found the images so frustrating. Well, he hadn't seen any woman in the past few years, so that could've been one reason. But then, he'd never actually noticed the presence of their chests, and how slim their legs could be.

Leaf certainly didn't have any similarities with these women, the last time he saw her, she looked like him and Green – a Pokémon trainer, a young kid with a passion for battling.

Then again, four years was a long time, and while he'd grown taller, he supposed Leaf was probably different too. Did her chest grow bigger? Had her waist slimmed and hips widened?

Wait – what was he thinking? He knocked his forehead once against the wall without much hesitation.

He closed his eyes and counted to a one hundred in his mind, but when he opened them and stared down at the pages of the magazine, as if they were like magnets to his namesake eyes, one hundred suddenly seemed like a tiny, miniscule number. The heat flowed back to his cheeks, and he wondered if he was falling sick. Was it a fever? He shifted to the side and dug his bare hand into the contents of his bag, searching for any medication, only to realize that he hadn't packed any. He would ask Green to help him next time, he supposed.

At the thought of Green, his thoughts seemed to wander back to the magazine, only this time, he wasn't imagining naked girls - - Red instantly panicked, though wordlessly. He grabbed a bottle of water and chugged it down, trying to push the thoughts concerning Green out of his head, but the imagery of him shirtless and… and – Red rammed his forehead against the rock again.

The heat gnawing in his chest, with unknown origins, was too perplexing. Red clambered onto his feet, leaning against the granite walls as blood flowed to his legs. He began jogging on the spot; perhaps exercising would be a good way to get rid of the harassing feeling. The dark-haired boy ran around on the spot, footsteps resounding through the cave and waking his slumbering Pikachu.

The little creature yawned as it opened one eye to glimpse its trainer jogging circles around the cave. It sniffed and curled back into a ball, deciding to worry about its trainer when it wasn't feeling so supine. The creature lowered its yellow ears to block out the sound.

Sweating, the boy sat himself back on the floor, hoping that that would do. He turned to the magazine, squinting his eyes so that he saw less, as he cautiously flipped to the next page, questions burning in his mind. Why did his whole body feel so hot? Admittedly, while it was so distracting and troubling, the low temperature of the cave numbed him less now.

Thankfully, the next image was less striking; it seemed to be just a picture of a man and a woman kissing.

Oh, they were naked.

Red dashed out of the cave, grabbing a protesting Pikachu by the tail. He spent the next few hours or so battling with the residents of the mountain. But the thought of kissing never really left him, rather, haunting him as his Snorlax launched a punch at yet another Golbat.

Red fancied asking one of them politely to use supersonic on him.

Early the next morning, Green entered the cave, gripping his scarf to his neck, an urgent look on his face as he shook the snow out of his hair.

"Hey Red, I know you didn't expect me so soon, but I think I left…" he started to say, but wandered off at the sight of his friend sitting at the darkest corner of the damp cavity. Red had tucked his knees under his chin and hugged his legs to himself, with dark circles developing under distant-focused eyes, owing to a sleepless night. The gym leader gulped audibly as he entered the cave, spotting the pile of magazines, which had originally come with good intentions, stacked neatly beside the silent boy who was breeding isolation. Green came to a squat next to the brooding male, tentatively prodding Red with a gloved finger.

He received no discernable response, Red's mouth hidden behind his arms, eyes unmoving. The boy frowned and playfully gave his friend a punch on the shoulder. "Don't be such a wimp, they're just pictures, any normal guy would be asking for more right now, y'know?" Green began, wrapping one arm around his friend in an attempt to salvage the situation.

At the touch of the other boy, Red felt the heat that he tried to stave off flood back into his body. He turned quickly, so that their noses touched. The way Green's cheeks flushed told him that that his friend was probably feeling the same thing. "W-what're you doing?" he asked faintly, but made no motion to break their connection. Red blinked once, twice, and remembered the article in the magazine that told him that the only way to get rid of sexual frustration was to get physical. He flexed his fingers, pushing Green with his arms so that the stack of the magazines collapsed, and the gym leader was pinned against the wall of the cavern.

He rammed his lips against Green's.

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**end.**


End file.
